Attention Is Rare

Simone Weil wrote that attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity. She meant giving your whole mind to another person, without planning your reply or fixing the problem. It is hard because we are usually busy with ourselves.

She was especially concerned with affliction, a suffering that crushes a person and makes others look away. The first need of someone afflicted, she wrote, is to be heard: to be asked, in effect, “What are you going through?” and to have the question mean something.

Attention can be trained, she thought, through study that demands full focus, even in subjects that seem to have nothing to do with kindness. The habit of real looking then becomes available when someone needs it.

The bus-stop question

Eira sits next to a man at a bus stop who is holding an eviction notice and staring at the road. She does not offer advice. She asks, “That looks hard. What is going on?”

He tells her about his rent, his job, and a sister who will not call him back. She listens until the bus comes. He thanks her, says nobody had asked him all week, and Eira realizes she did nothing but pay attention.

Try this today Next time someone is struggling, ask one open question and listen for two minutes without fixing.