Design a Refusal

Saying no is easy to do badly. A refusal can be a blow, a sulk or a silence. Gandhi’s method asks for more: a refusal that holds the truth and keeps the person in view. This lesson builds one in four parts.

First, name the wrong plainly, without insults. Second, say exactly what you will not do. Third, say what you will do instead, so the refusal is also an offer. Fourth, accept the cost of the refusal without blaming the other person for it.

A refusal built this way is hard to wave off. It gives the other side facts, a way forward and no enemy to fight. It also keeps your own aim clear: you are refusing a deed, not a person.

The altered count

Lena, a clerk, is told to alter a count so that a shortfall does not show. She says, “Changing these numbers would hide a loss, and I will not change them.”

She adds, “I will write a note explaining the gap and help you work out how to report it.” Her manager is annoyed, but he has a path, and Lena has kept her job’s honesty.

Try this today Write a three-sentence refusal for something you are asked to do: the wrong, your no, your offer.