Lesson · 4 min Steady
Exchanging Self and Other
In one line Shantideva taught a practice of putting yourself in another’s place until their suffering matters as much as yours.
Shantideva was an Indian Buddhist monk of the eighth century, at the great monastery of Nalanda. His Way of the Bodhisattva is a guide to compassion still studied across Tibetan Buddhism. One of its central practices is exchanging self and other.
His argument is simple. Pain is bad because it hurts, not because it is mine. If I protect my future self from suffering, though that self does not yet exist, why not protect others too? The line between my pain and yours, he suggests, is drawn by habit, not by anything in the pain itself.
The practice goes further: imagine yourself as the other person, even a rival, and look back at yourself through their eyes. Pride, envy and anger lose force when seen from the other side.
Go deeper
The Dalai Lama often cites Shantideva, and the practice of tonglen, taking in others’ suffering and sending out relief with each breath, developed in the same tradition. Shantideva also wrote on patience, arguing that anger at someone who harms us is like anger at a stick that strikes us: both are moved by causes. The practice connects to No Owner.
The difficult coworker
Hana’s coworker interrupts her in every meeting, and Hana has started to dread Mondays.
She tries Shantideva’s exercise. She imagines being her coworker, anxious about a new boss and afraid of seeming slow. From there, Hana looks back at herself, cool and distant. The interruptions still bother her, but she now raises them kindly, and the next meeting goes better.
Try this today Pick someone who annoys you. Spend two minutes imagining their day from the inside, then notice how you feel.
Cite or share this lesson
A plain reference you can paste into notes or an essay:
Quest2Reason. “Exchanging Self and Other.” https://quest2reason.com/learn/lesson/exchanging-self-and-other. Accessed 13 November 2026.
Sources
- Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, “Śāntideva” — Covers his arguments for compassion and his ethics.
- Wikipedia, “Bodhicaryāvatāra” — Summarizes The Way of the Bodhisattva and its practices.