Friendship

Aristotle names three kinds of friendship. Some are of use, where each helps the other get something. Some are of pleasure, where each enjoys the other’s company. The fullest is between people who are good and who wish each other well for the other’s own sake.

The first two are real and often pleasant, but they tend to end when the use or the pleasure does. The third lasts because it rests on who the person is, not on what they provide. It also takes time: people must see each other’s character in many ordinary situations.

A simple test follows. Do I wish this person well for their sake, even if it costs me? Would I be glad of their good fortune when it does not help me? The lesser kinds can grow toward the fuller one when care for the person outweighs the benefit.

The friend who moved on

Elena and Raf were close at work for five years, sharing lunches and helping each other with projects. When Raf takes a job in another city, their calls become rare and then stop. Elena wonders what went wrong.

She sees that much of the friendship ran on the shared office. The one friend she still writes to is someone who once drove four hours to help her move. Looking back, she sorts her friendships by what they rested on, and decides to put her time where care runs both ways.

Try this today Think of one friend and do one thing this week that is only for their sake.