Giving Advice

Aristotle held that practical wisdom, phronesis, is knowing what to do in the particular case. That is why advice is hard. A rule that served you may not suit the person in front of you, whose aims, limits and circumstances differ.

A good adviser begins with questions. What do you want to happen? What have you tried? What worries you most? The answers reveal what the person already knows and which options are real for them.

Then offer options and reasons rather than an order, say what you are unsure of, and leave the choice with them. Advice that fits the person is more likely to be used, and it respects that the life is theirs.

The friend who asked

Jun asks his friend Dee whether he should leave his job. Dee’s first instinct is to say, “Quit. I did and it was great.”

Instead she asks what he wants, what he has tried and what scares him. He says he wants to teach but has a loan to pay. Dee suggests a part-time course and a savings plan, and tells him what she does not know. Jun chooses the course.

Try this today Next time someone asks for advice, ask two questions before you say anything.